We celebrated Yule today, and while today was interesting, exciting, and wonderful, I have to start the story with last night.
We are still slowly developing our pagan rituals and celebrations so for now Yule looks mostly like Christmas here without the manger scene, church, or much talk of Christ. We participate in the tradition of Santa Claus, but Santa Claus comes on Yule here. So, last night we informed our children that tomorrow was Yule/Christmas and I told MC that "Santa may bring you a doll, or a horsey, or something like that". Well, apparently that was both just the right thing to tell my wonderfully different son to get him excited and just the wrong thing to tell the little guy to get him to SLEEP. He ended up being so excited that despite starting bedtime at 7:30pm it wasn't until after midnight and a drive in the Van with BS that he finally fell asleep. Poor little guy. Every time he'd almost fall asleep he'd snap his eyes open and in his very limited speech capacity express his excitement by saying "Ho Ho Ho", he was watching for Santa.
So, this morning around 8am OC wakes up and climbs from his room (baby gate) into ours since he has to go through our room to get to the main areas of the house. I looked up at him and told him he was allowed to go to the bathroom and then come right back up, no touching the Christmas stuff. Yep, I'm that kind of mommy, Christmas/Yule is a family affair and the entire family will enjoy it together. So, he did as he was asked (oh what a blessing that was) and came back up. About 20 minutes later MC started to stir and Grandma and Grandpa (BS's parents) called and said they were almost here. MC nursed a little bit for a more comfy wake up, especially since he was so short on sleep, and we all got up and went down for our Stockings. OC, of course was super excited. We all got into our stockings as OC practically threw them at all of us, and then I insisted on changing the baby's diaper, getting him dressed for the day, and at least taking MC potty so he didn't wet himself before any gifts were opened.
Grandma and Grandpa were wonderful this year and nearly doubled the gifts under the tree upon their arrival. This was certainly a blessing because due to limited budget OC had one gift under our tree, MC had two gifts, and the baby only had his stocking. So after Grandma and Grandpa came the baby had two gifts, MC had 3 or 4, and OC had at least 3. OC got things typical for an 8 year old, clothes, a radio headset, and an e-book reader, which was the one main gift he got from us. With his going back and forth from our house to his father's house and other excursions we make it is much easier if he can take a number of books on an e-reader than trying to take a stack of books that he likes. He also got a therapeutic chew toy so that he would stop chewing on his clothing and random items, and a therapeutic stress relief "twisty toy" for other times when he needs a distraction, as stocking stuffers. He seems to love both and I am very happy about that. He also got $40 to spend or save for himself. This is our method of teaching our kids financial responsibility. It may not be regular money (allowance style), but they do get money that they have to budget their own spending from.
MC's gifts were interesting. In choosing gifts for MC we try to be fairly cautious. Since he is still mostly non-verbal it is not like he is requesting things looking through adds, and we don't watch TV with commercials, only Netflix, so we do not get exposure that way. So, while picking toys for the children we took him through the toy aisles in the store. When he started reaching for toys, that is how we chose what to buy. MC got "Twilight Sparkle" a talking My Little Pony doll with books that she "reads" aloud, a Cabbage Patch Doll, and a potty and a new shirt for his "little baby" who is a miniature baby doll. Grandma seemed a bit surprised, and even uncomfortable with the gifts for MC but luckily she did not say anything against them. Grandpa took it all in stride. When we explained that we took him through the toy aisles to choose his gifts everyone seemed to calm a bit more about the situation. I honestly feel like sighing that such an explanation is even necessary. My opinionated 2 year old may not speak but he makes his desires known, there is no reason I should have to explain said desires. Either way Grandma was luckily thinking along gender neutral lines herself. She lucked into a perfect gift by getting our Curious George loving little one a Monkey doll and blanket, so now he has his own George. She also got him clothes and a few books, but what kid gets all excited about those? ;) He also got $6.50 to spend, or save, for himself.
As I stated above, the baby got mostly food, a stocking full of food. He also got a new outfit from Grandma and Grandpa and a cute stuffed panda from Grandma and Grandpa. I have a feeling our stuffed animal collection will continue to grow for a few years yet.
As for the mommies. I got an amazing buckwheat pillow, complete with a lavender satchet so it smells amazing. I've been talking about wanting one for YEARS and BS apparently took it to heart and bought me one. I'm so happy, I haven't even officially used it yet and I'm still just in love with the thing. I also got the final book in Christopher Paolini's Inheritance Cycle. I think I'd be more excited about that if I had any time to read. From the Grandparents I got a sweater. I'm not sure how I like the fit yet because they got it through Avon and the smell is too strong for me to wear it until it's washed. BS's mother finally made an awesome clothing purchase on her part and got her a gorgeous black form fitting sweater. It fits her wonderfully and accents all the right spots, it is very classy and very feminine and just perfect. From us BS got a fondue set and an appointment to get her ears pierced.
We may not have come home with huge hauls, but I think we had a nice Christmas. We took Grandma and Grandpa out to eat afterwards and treated them to a nice "Christmas" brunch. All in all it has been a wonderful morning, and I'm looking forward to a relaxing afternoon.
Thursday, December 22, 2011
Saturday, December 10, 2011
Gender Insanity
Hey, BS here,
I worry, because that's one of the major signs of childhood GID. It's possible his is all a phase, or that he's just picking up things he's observed and repeating them, but we try to shield him from my body issues, as I said. We will continue to monitor the situation, but this all feels so familiar to me. There may be child psychs in his future, but only if it becomes necessary. If he is GID and wants to transition, then we'll let him. If not, that's good too. We love him for who he is, whatever that may be.
Been kind of empty in here as of kate, and I've had thoughts stirring in my head, so here we go.
Our middle child is exhibiting signs of possibly be transgender. He has a strong preference for anything that fits a female role - toys, clothes, activities. When he is given a choice, he always picks clothes that are purple, pink, and/or frilly. This is not something he really sees from either Kooky or myself, because we tend to dress in darker colors, in jeans and t-shirts or gothic tops. In fact, most of MY shirts are t-shirts and hoodies. He has all brothers, so he's not picking this up off of hem, and he has one f cousin he sees maybe twice a year who doesn't even go for pinks or purples or frilly clothes. So there's not much chance that he's emulating something he's seen us do.
Now, we've been pretty accepting of this, and let him pick which clothes he wants to wear or which toys he wanted to play with. We figure if he is TG, then we'll deal with it down the line, and if he's not than it's just a phase. So we try not to encourage gender roles in one direction or the other.
I also try to shield him from my feelings on being born in the wrong body, whether that be by bad mouthing my penis or letting him see me tuck. However, while potty training he's realized that his maman has a penis, and momy has a vulva. I don't see a problem with this, I think it's healthy for him to realize that girls can be different. So, imagine my surprise when I'm helping him change under and he looks at me, then points at his penis and says "yuck. Yucky." I just replied and said "oh really?" That was a few weeks ago, but he's done it again at least twice with me since then.
I worry, because that's one of the major signs of childhood GID. It's possible his is all a phase, or that he's just picking up things he's observed and repeating them, but we try to shield him from my body issues, as I said. We will continue to monitor the situation, but this all feels so familiar to me. There may be child psychs in his future, but only if it becomes necessary. If he is GID and wants to transition, then we'll let him. If not, that's good too. We love him for who he is, whatever that may be.
Friday, December 2, 2011
Hiding in Plain Sight
Or when it's all just too much.
Working from home with a computer based job means I am automatically on my computer for much of the day. This is obviously understandable and sadly fairly necessary. However when you combine a sometimes slow (I don't always have active work to do but I have to be available during work hours) computer job with a multi-tasking easily addictive personality, you have a ready recipe for an internet addiction. When you further compound this with post partum hormones, a general non-social personality, general family stress, 3 kids, financial struggles, etc. it becomes all too easy to bury yourself in something like, say Facebook, and only come out when it is critically necessary.
I would say I have a fairly unique preference for in depth social interactions, but online not in person. I don't like to use the phone, I prefer text. Given the choice if I only have to think of me, not my family or the other party's preferences, I'd rather "chat" with a given person online than meet them in person. I don't do the social scene, I never really have, I'm just bad at it. I have always been a social outcast, I could always point to some external "reason" for this, but the truth is, it's just me. I suck at social interaction. Get me together with a group, even one I've been "chatting" with online for months, or even years, and I'm not about to go introduce myself to anyone, I rely on them to make the first move. I have an annoying tendency to interrupt people (this is quite accidental I assure you, I do my best to prevent it but it still happens), and also to just talk on and on about myself, because I don't know what else to talk about. I just don't know how to handle myself in a social setting, and it's not for lack of exposure. I grew up in a large family, there were always people around. I went to public school, was a member of a youth symphony, was in Orchestra, went to Church twice weekly for a total of at least 4 hours a week, went to college, and then trade school. I had all the "typical" social exposure, just the intricacies of "normal" human social interaction never made sense to me. I still to this day can't figure other people out. Again, I used to blame this on circumstances, but really looking at it, any negative circumstances I had I could have over come if I had any clue about how people work.
Strangely, when I can get over myself and talk to people I often find myself in sort of a counselor type role. This dichotomy really does not make sense to me. I don't understand people in group settings, really at all, but one on one I can read people. I can get them to talk about things they'd never normally talk about. I can get someone I barely know talking like we are old friends. I can make an old friend out of an acquaintance very quickly in one on one conversation, but when I get into a group setting I freeze. I don't know how to interject myself in a conversation, how to be part of a multi-person conversation without taking over said conversation. I just don't know how to interact with a group of people, and I really have no clue why.
Maybe this is why I can look at how busy and stressful my life is and rather than making that be an excuse to get out away from it all (with or without) my family in a social setting with a group that I do already know (from internet interactions) I find reasons that I "cannot" go. When my partner suggests that my stress is having a negative effect on me, and by extension on my whole family, and suggests therapy to either treat or prevent what she sees as developing PPD, I can come up with a dozen reasons that it's "not a good idea" or I "don't need it". The truth is both of these things would be good for both me and my family. I need someone, or someones, to talk to. I have been burying myself in my online world for far too long.
The problem is, my online world is not real, when my best friends are in Colorado and California and I need help at home with my boys because if I have to get up 6 times a night to nurse one or the other of my young children and then my 8 year old crawls into bed next to me for a nightmare, and then the nursing thing repeats itself the next night punctuated by my partner waking me up for a "snuggle" in between and all I want is to be able to take a freaking break .... I have no one I can hand the kids off to for 5 minutes and go take some "me" time. I can't swap an hour of babysitting on a day when my best friend has school and work and barely slept for an hour of babysitting on a day when I have a heavy work load and barely slept. I can't just go give my best friend a hug and know it made both of our days better. As much as I like to pretend, a virtual hug is just not the same, and certainly can't compare to 20 minutes of idle chatter over a calming cup of tea.
I realized much of this with a small falling out with one of my close internetFacebook, even to the expense of my own family. Then thinking that, I realized that even after I'm "done with work" when I no longer have to be available on my computer, I pop back in at least 3-12 times a night, if I'm not just on my computer still. In the middle of the forum mess I found myself letting my baby cry because I just "had" to get my response typed out, and realized that it was too much. I couldn't do that to my family anymore.
So I have done what I know many before me have done, and cut myself off from Facebook at least, for a while. I have made the attempt to cut myself off from all online forums that are not also local moms that could swap babysitting with me, get together and have a cup of tea, etc. And I realized, I have access to women who I could do those things with, and I have never really made the attempt to make that happen. This is my own failure, not the failure of these wonderful women, and for that I am sad. How much have I cost myself and my family in not making the attempt to give us a local social life? Whatever the answer is it is too much. And it's time to pop my bubble and get out there, because whether I feel dumb or not, I'm a grown woman and I need to provide for my family first, myself second, and my neurotices last.
Working from home with a computer based job means I am automatically on my computer for much of the day. This is obviously understandable and sadly fairly necessary. However when you combine a sometimes slow (I don't always have active work to do but I have to be available during work hours) computer job with a multi-tasking easily addictive personality, you have a ready recipe for an internet addiction. When you further compound this with post partum hormones, a general non-social personality, general family stress, 3 kids, financial struggles, etc. it becomes all too easy to bury yourself in something like, say Facebook, and only come out when it is critically necessary.
I would say I have a fairly unique preference for in depth social interactions, but online not in person. I don't like to use the phone, I prefer text. Given the choice if I only have to think of me, not my family or the other party's preferences, I'd rather "chat" with a given person online than meet them in person. I don't do the social scene, I never really have, I'm just bad at it. I have always been a social outcast, I could always point to some external "reason" for this, but the truth is, it's just me. I suck at social interaction. Get me together with a group, even one I've been "chatting" with online for months, or even years, and I'm not about to go introduce myself to anyone, I rely on them to make the first move. I have an annoying tendency to interrupt people (this is quite accidental I assure you, I do my best to prevent it but it still happens), and also to just talk on and on about myself, because I don't know what else to talk about. I just don't know how to handle myself in a social setting, and it's not for lack of exposure. I grew up in a large family, there were always people around. I went to public school, was a member of a youth symphony, was in Orchestra, went to Church twice weekly for a total of at least 4 hours a week, went to college, and then trade school. I had all the "typical" social exposure, just the intricacies of "normal" human social interaction never made sense to me. I still to this day can't figure other people out. Again, I used to blame this on circumstances, but really looking at it, any negative circumstances I had I could have over come if I had any clue about how people work.
Strangely, when I can get over myself and talk to people I often find myself in sort of a counselor type role. This dichotomy really does not make sense to me. I don't understand people in group settings, really at all, but one on one I can read people. I can get them to talk about things they'd never normally talk about. I can get someone I barely know talking like we are old friends. I can make an old friend out of an acquaintance very quickly in one on one conversation, but when I get into a group setting I freeze. I don't know how to interject myself in a conversation, how to be part of a multi-person conversation without taking over said conversation. I just don't know how to interact with a group of people, and I really have no clue why.
Maybe this is why I can look at how busy and stressful my life is and rather than making that be an excuse to get out away from it all (with or without) my family in a social setting with a group that I do already know (from internet interactions) I find reasons that I "cannot" go. When my partner suggests that my stress is having a negative effect on me, and by extension on my whole family, and suggests therapy to either treat or prevent what she sees as developing PPD, I can come up with a dozen reasons that it's "not a good idea" or I "don't need it". The truth is both of these things would be good for both me and my family. I need someone, or someones, to talk to. I have been burying myself in my online world for far too long.
The problem is, my online world is not real, when my best friends are in Colorado and California and I need help at home with my boys because if I have to get up 6 times a night to nurse one or the other of my young children and then my 8 year old crawls into bed next to me for a nightmare, and then the nursing thing repeats itself the next night punctuated by my partner waking me up for a "snuggle" in between and all I want is to be able to take a freaking break .... I have no one I can hand the kids off to for 5 minutes and go take some "me" time. I can't swap an hour of babysitting on a day when my best friend has school and work and barely slept for an hour of babysitting on a day when I have a heavy work load and barely slept. I can't just go give my best friend a hug and know it made both of our days better. As much as I like to pretend, a virtual hug is just not the same, and certainly can't compare to 20 minutes of idle chatter over a calming cup of tea.
I realized much of this with a small falling out with one of my close internetFacebook, even to the expense of my own family. Then thinking that, I realized that even after I'm "done with work" when I no longer have to be available on my computer, I pop back in at least 3-12 times a night, if I'm not just on my computer still. In the middle of the forum mess I found myself letting my baby cry because I just "had" to get my response typed out, and realized that it was too much. I couldn't do that to my family anymore.
So I have done what I know many before me have done, and cut myself off from Facebook at least, for a while. I have made the attempt to cut myself off from all online forums that are not also local moms that could swap babysitting with me, get together and have a cup of tea, etc. And I realized, I have access to women who I could do those things with, and I have never really made the attempt to make that happen. This is my own failure, not the failure of these wonderful women, and for that I am sad. How much have I cost myself and my family in not making the attempt to give us a local social life? Whatever the answer is it is too much. And it's time to pop my bubble and get out there, because whether I feel dumb or not, I'm a grown woman and I need to provide for my family first, myself second, and my neurotices last.
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